Recovering from over 25 years of struggle with full-blown bulimia…

 

Not only this is possible but, once you’re willing to change, it’s probably quicker than you think…

 

I know how it works when we are actively binging and purging. We think this is only happening to us, that we are hopeless, that we’ve already been too far.

Sometimes I was thinking to myself that I was born this way and supposed to live like that my entire life. This was my daily train of thoughts when I was struggling with bulimia.

For 15 years, every single day, I thought and believed this.

Maybe a part of me liked thinking that it was not worth trying to get better. It was definitely easier to keep repeating the same destructive patterns without trying to get out of my “comfort food zone”.

I know for sure that Ann, one of the women I worked with, had thought the exact same for years. In fact, almost all her life.

But after 25 years of struggle with full-blown bulimia, she decided it was enough.

She decided to join the Make Peace With Food program with weekly coaching.

6 months after, she was clean and free!

And just to show you what’s possible and that doesn’t only happen to others, she is answering a few questions for our community.

 

Welcome, Ann!

1. What were your main fears and doubts about coaching?

My main fear was really letting myself down and also that someone would know.  I have been bulimic for 20+ years and also fit, successful, pretty, married, 2 healthy kids (10 + 12) – I have it ALL!!!!!  

And I also had this terrible secret !!! 

So this question could really be answered in a book 🙂

But I have to say the two biggest things were being FOUND OUT (even just the fact of working with Pauline) and that I would not be able to do it and then I would look like a failure and be a failure to myself. 

2. Why did you choose Make Peace With Food?

I chose the program because I read a couple of Pauline’s blogs and felt I could relate to her.

I went on her website (cautiously, I must add) and really felt that one-on-one would work best for me because my secret was so hidden and I felt that I truly needed personal attention and someone that could really relate to what I was dealing with. 

I find it challenging to say the words, recovery or bulimia, but Pauline has really put a smile in my heart and I feel some freedom (in other various parts of my life too) that I would have never felt without this time from her. 

We started with a weekly 40-50 min skype session and I got better quite quickly, which was astonishing to me… it truly was!

I felt I had no REAL hope and I might do a bit better but I felt that this binging and purging was really in my cells… ingrained in me! (and it isn’t)

3. What kind of changes were you aiming for?

I wanted to, first of all, come clean and tell someone that could be non-judgmental and help me. That alone is enough for me to really answer the question.

4. Can you tell me a bit more about your experience?

As we got going, I could tell quickly as I was making progress that I would just keep aiming higher. 

And when I say that, I mean I would keep loosening my boundaries on ‘things’ and exploring new ways to think, new ways to do things. 

I am not going to say all of it was easy.  There were times where I didn’t win and I would mentally wrestle about binging… it was tough at times.

When I did relapse, I really struggled to ‘forgive myself’ after I had spent almost 3 weeks clean of binging and purging!  I was OVER THE MOON that I really, really did this but then fell on both knees very hard.   

I was at a real loss and Pauline could tell that I had taken it very hard. She told me, she herself, had relapsed a few times in recovery.  I was so grateful that she told me that because ‘this’ is such a hidden secret that it’s impossible to share these feelings with almost anyone, so I was glad to have Pauline comfort me and get me on track and let me know that I had made great strides and she herself had similar setbacks beginning recovery .

I think that was the turning point for me because I told Pauline I was going to just try and get through one meal at a time. And my recovery became about choosing to make the right steps “ONE MEAL AT A TIME”. It really helped me to not get manic or in my head about my options and ‘be kind to myself’ and get through the meal. 

I was able to move forward to the next small snack or meal with my health and truly more of a ‘that a boy’ kind of good feeling that I had made good decisions and that momentum has brought me to where I am now. 

Someone that is relaxed in front of food and looking for healthy options and just starting to reach for some things I probably would not have. Being OK with it like a bite of this or that (dessert or pizza) and know that a bite won’t hurt or send me into a spiral! 

I hope that anyone reading this will know I NEVER thought I would beat bulimia….never!  And I am on my 7th month of successful recovery working my ‘one meal at a time’ to the point that I am truly happy!

 

5. What kind of shifts and changes have you experienced?

I made subtle yet powerful shifts and I do mean like learning to ride a bike or having a manual to do something.

Pauline would listen and almost try and customize my ‘recovery’ so that she could deal with what I was dealing with at that specific time.  So much goes through your head and I have to say… so much was about a bad habit that was very hard for me to stop.  I had honestly gotten used to this terrible habit and giving it up… That is when she started to share ‘self-love’ techniques with me.  As goofy as self-love sounds… I realized then and now that I was self-destructive (almost trying to harm myself by binging and purging) but on the outside… perfect to anyone looking in! 

I had convinced myself of things and Pauline really helped me see the ‘new light’ and rework my neural pathways. Not allowing me to step into that ‘pattern’ again and practicing self-love (bath, yoga, dance, nap, almonds) was really critical. Not depriving myself as well. And feeling I was giving up something and sadly enough… something I thought I needed!

 

6. How do you feel about your future?

I feel fully engaged in my future.  I feel a weight lifted off of me in so many ways. I am still in recovery and it is a process each meal of the day but I find I win 90% if not 100% of the time.

My weight was very important to me and through this 6-7 month process (due to be 45 and having some small hormonal imbalances) my weight did fluctuate and I am here to tell you.

I was NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT! 

But sitting here typing this today. I am truly at peace with the extra 5 lbs and I think I look great. I am healthy and every day I am reaching out a bit to find my balance with food. I was a bit restrictive with my diet at first and I honestly needed to do that to probably feel I was in control of things and it also gave me one week of no binging and purging and then that led to two weeks and then 3 weeks and then I binged and purged and that was very tough to fall from such a great amount of time. 

But Pauline was right there… honestly! 

It was almost like she was picking me up!  We regrouped and she spoke from her heart about ‘falling’ too early in recovery and how hard it can be… but together we did it! 

Thank you so much Pauline.

This is not a perfect science so please know if you are reading this… you have to do this as your mind and your body will allow but you can grow and get better… no one is perfect!

 

Now I’d love to hear from you!

What do you think about Ann’s story? Maybe you’re still caught up in that destructive thinking pattern described at the top of the interview. Maybe you’re still thinking you are different and won’t manage to change your destructive eating issues?

 

If that’s the case, I highly recommend you to download my eBook “7 Secrets To Make Peace With Food” below and the free 2-week email coaching that goes with it. It’s the perfect start to a new life!