Fighting Destructive Thought Patterns…
This was absolutely wonderful. Fiji is beautiful and we really had a great time! I committed to connect with my inner self and felt love and happiness in every single moment.
During 16 days, we visited 5 different islands. All of them were absolutely gorgeous. We spent our time snorkelling, trekking, swimming, reading and chilling on the most beautiful beaches we’ve ever seen. Cristal clear water and just the 2 of us. It was paradise!
However, one day has been a bit trickier for me and I wanted to share my experience with you.
Most of the meals were huge buffets along the beach. It was lovely. Even if buffets are often a huge trigger for people suffering with eating disorders, it’s not for me anymore (I had to work hard on this one).
But after having enjoyed my lunch I was surprised by my reaction seeing other people eating. Most of them were stuffing themselves up with huge quantities of food very quickly as if they all had bulimia or binge eating issues.
This awaken in me a pretty strong sensation of disgust, as if this reminded me my old eating patterns.
But more than that, the fact of seeing really skinny girls eating like that (most of them in bikini) started to trigger some destructing thoughts such as comparison and questioning about my weight and my body.
Even if I was in heaven a few minutes before, I couldn’t help but leaving these horrible thoughts destructing the most beautiful day ever.
I started to question myself. My nasty bulimia voice was back into my head and I had to revert that quickly. I didn’t want to waste my beautiful day with horrible thoughts, so here is what I’ve done to get rid of that and get back to my positive, loving mindset:
- I had first to let my ego play his role and relax by taking some deep breaths in and out
- My bulimia voice (or ego) clearly wanted me to get back to my self destructive patterns, so I had to resonate these un-rational thoughts with rational loving thoughts
- By responding to my ego with loving and rational thoughts I was able to dissipate it and get back to my positive and loving mindset.
Here for example, I told myself that losing weight was not the solution. I already have a very healthy diet, so even if I wanted to lose weight, restricting myself over the holiday period wouldn’t help me enjoying my time with my boyfriend. Losing weight wouldn’t make me happier and my boyfriend wouldn’t love me more if I lost 2 kilos (I even bet he wouldn’t be able to notice ).
I know it takes time to get there but I also know we are all able to do so and live the life we deserve, full of love and happiness. This all needs to happen inside.
If I would have chosen to listen to my ego and start a diet, or worse going back to my old eating behaviours, I would have ruined my holidays, even if I was in the most beautiful place in the world with the person I love the most.
By choosing a loving and rational guidance, I am now choosing happiness. And this can happen on the most beautiful beach of the world or in front of my computer.
I hope this post will encourage you to choose love and happiness instead of self-destructing thought patterns. Even if it won’t be easy every day, it will be worth it, I promise!